Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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