he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
