Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
