Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
