If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have post one night stand depression
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