I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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