His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish you could order shots online.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i out mim tonsoeep
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