Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize