Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
