So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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