operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
