It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
