I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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