i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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