can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
