the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
