sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
