how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
