It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
