Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize