Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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