I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize