eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
