ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
