I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
