I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
