I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
