when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
