found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
