I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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