im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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