I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
