that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
