Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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