Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
