Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
