Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize