Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
