3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
