I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
