and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
