I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
