1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
