i just had sex bonerless
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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