his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
