Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
