I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Two words: nipple clamps
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