i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
