Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This baby is an asshole
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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