he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
