i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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