Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
