my sisters under your porch take her home
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
