We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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