I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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