i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
