Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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