walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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