Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
