Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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