I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
