im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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