Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
