Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
