He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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