I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just found puke in my bra..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
