worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
